Finding a Place
I have to admit that I do not get out much. Yet I have so many vivid dreams of the world around me, and the beauty and mystery that surrounds every inch of my life for miles and miles. I can't say that what is around me is exciting enough to be explored though, I always find my self wishing for more, imaging myself in another place that is much more interesting and vivid and magical than the place I am now. Even as I sit in a building, in a room, in a chair, in front of a screen, I can imagine myself a million other places doing a million other things that would make me a better a person, or make me happier.
It dawns on me that all I have ever done is wished to be somewhere else. I can only speak for myself and that is why I refrain from generalizing to "us" and "we", but I cannot help but think that I am not alone in this feeling. I surround myself with things that I think will make me happy, only to ponder how exciting my life would be with all new things in a whole new place. Is it a sense of the unknown, and exploring something new that excites me? Or perhaps the intrigue of creating perfect scenarios where I can do whatever my mind allows me to is the appealing aspect of such day dreams, Whatever the case, I always wonder where I could be, what I could be doing, while I sit and do nothing with the life I have now.
One of the many reasons I started this site, was to conceptualize a world I wanted to live in. The pictures, videos, music, and ideas associated with this site are all things that I would want in another place at another time. Sure I live each moment like a new discovery, coveting a new photo or band with the same glee that explorers worshiped uncovered ancient relics, but at the same time that mystery wears off, the new becomes old and things are forgotten. Things are always forgotten. But at least now I can catalog them, I can look back and realize that I once had these things, they defined me at one point in my life, be it for a split second or a lifetime. These things may not be the way I define myself in the present, but in the future I can use them to map out who I was then, even if I can't see it now. I will always look ahead; later in life when I do allow myself to stop looking for new things and start to reflect on the things I have, at least I will know that the things I have here are the things that I picked to come with me on this journey, the things that may be forgotten but will never truly be lost.
Like things, places are active and passive memories. I live and breathe in one area only to wish to be in another. I forget to acknowledge the beauty and simplicity of where I am and focus on where I want to go, which in a sense forsakes who am at that point, for what am I if not where I am. A prisoner might have the most beautiful soul on this earth but it is the prison that defines him, and no doubt that prison has shaped the beauty inside him in some way. I sit here in this building, in this room, in this chair, in front of a screen reflecting on the things I have, and the things I want, and I realize: where I am now defines who I am, and if I don't like who I am now, I must reflect on where I aim to go...
And that is how any adventure begins.